underwater
by ghost638
Summary: When Rudy orders a hot tub to be delivered to the dojo, things start to get a little wet...
1. rain

It started off, like it always did, with Rudy.

"I'm telling you guys," the man-child exclaimed excitedly as the installation crew lowered the hot tub onto the dojo floor, "this is a great idea!"

"I don't know, Rudy," said Jack, always the voice of reason. He shook his head at the scene. Sometimes Jack questioned why he always hung out with people he was clearly superior to. Then Kim walked in, and he remembered- _oh, yeah_.

"Hey Jack," Kim smiled at him, ignoring everyone else in the room. "What's going on?"

 _Be cool Jack._ He swallowed. Every sentence he spoke to Kim was a challenge. Albert Einstein didn't think about science as much as Jack thought about the words he said to his crush. Each phrase was nothing less than a carefully planned chess move—and just one mistake could cost him the game he had been playing for months. He could not screw this up. "Hey Kim do you wanna get naked in this new hot tub later?"

"Holy Christmas nuts!" screeched Milton.

"WHOO!" yelled Jerry.

Bobby Wasabi burst through the wall dressed as the Kool-Aid Man and high-fived Rudy. "Oh, yeaahh!"

Eddie was there too.

Kim blushed. "Oh, Jack! I don't know…"

The situation was quickly becoming more perilous than an iceberg in front of the Titanic. But Jack was not just good at karate, and school, and games, and cooking, and snorkeling, and dancing, and climbing, and gardening, and political lobbying—he was good at romance, too.

"What if we got in the hot tub… together?"

The temperature in the room suddenly rivaled that of the sun. It was hotter than every desert on Earth. It was hotter than a Flamin' Hot Cheeto. It was so hot that the fire alarm went off.

Joan the cop, who just so happened to be walking by at that moment, entered and screamed though her megaphone. "EVERYBODY OUT!"

The warriors slowly began to shuffle out, their eyes vacant as their simple minds attempted to comprehend what had just gone down; however, what none of them knew was what was still yet to go down… and on who.

"I'm staying," declared Jack. He motioned silently for Kim to do the same, and shot her a wink. She nodded discreetly and paused by the door.

"Disobeying a police officer is against the law." Joan put her hand on her hip and glared sternly at Jack.

"What the fudge!" Kim shouted, "They're giving away free FALAFEL BALLS outside!"

A goat bleated in the distance.

"See ya losers!" Joan darted out of the dojo.

They were finally alone.

The water from the sprinklers above fell like heavy raindrops onto the two teenagers. Jack noticed that Kim was staring at his torso as his white sleeveless tank top got more and more soaked, hugging the muscles underneath. Seconds later he watched as her eyes darted away and locked instead on the steaming hot tub looming in the corner.

"Okay," she whispered, unable to resist any longer, "Let's do it."

It took two hours for to remove all of Kim's layers of clothing. Jack had waited very patiently. Now it was time. He offered her his hand and smiled when she took it. Her fingers grasped his tightly as they lowered themselves into the water.

"Oh Jack," said Kim, "I'm so wet."

 _To be continued_


	2. ominous cloud

Jack had for a long time imagined many different scenarios about how his First Kiss might go. It might be in a limo, or at a bowling party, or on the Great Wall of China. The girl would be cute and have hair that rivaled his. Regarding the kiss itself, he assumed that it would be sloppy—a little awkward, maybe. But he had not taught himself how to tie a cherry stem in a knot for no reason. Jack was ready. At least… that's what he thought.

Standing with Kim in the hot tub in the middle of Rudy's dojo was the ideal location for the big smooch. Kim looked good, like always, and Jack could see his reflection in her eyes and knew he looked good too. All the pieces were lined up. Jack took a deep breath, closed his eyes, leaned forward-

CRASH!

Jack's eyelids flew open. The entire glass door into the dojo had been cracked and shattered into pieces (needlessly, as the doors were unlocked; the culprit must not have checked). Beside him, Kim gasped. Standing just feet away from them was a masked intruder clothed predictably in black.

For a moment they all did nothing but stare at each other. Water still fell steadily from the sprinklers mounted in the ceiling, making everything and everyone moister by the minute. Jack peered at Kim questioningly. She met his eyes and shrugged.

Finally, Jack cleared his throat and spoke. He figured a great way to respond and break the ice in this situation would be to crack a humorous joke. "Hey, did you know pampered cows produce spoiled milk?"

Kim made a dismayed sound low in her throat and elbowed Jack harshly. Jack winced but kept his eyes on the stranger. He couldn't see the man (woman's?) reaction because the mask hid his (her?) entire face, but Jack was sure he (she?) was smiling underneath it. Confident that the situation had been defused, Jack wiggled his eyebrows and said, "Well, I'm sure Kim and I are both very flattered, but we're not interested in a threesome today."

The stranger took a step closer. Now that the intruder was mere inches away, with his vulture-like vision Jack was able to tell that the body was undeniably masculine, flat and triangular. He was also able to tell that the guy was gripping something tightly in his right hand.

Then suddenly it wasn't in his right hand anymore. It was in the air, speeding like Sonic the hedgehog toward Jack's head. As it made contact, Jack's body flipped dramatically over the edge of the hot tub and onto the unforgiving ground.

 _Not cool,_ thought Jack, _we didn't even get to The Kiss!_

The last thing he heard before he blacked out was the sound of a nail scraping slowly across a chalkboard—or maybe that was Kim's scream.


End file.
